Mocking the Financial Crisis

It’s like there was an orgy of sub prime lending going on between the mortgage brokers and they weren’t even using regulation condoms. Freddie Mac was too busy spanking Mae in the Fannie. The Government had to do a makeover and starting pimping both of them. Bank of America and the lamenting brothers were too busy doing credit scrunchies. so Citigroup decided to go and out buy Whatchyouoweme..aaa’s stash. Crack ho’s were too busy scoring free credit from Whatchyouoweme’s so Well Fargo decided to smack Citigroups bitch ass up. Smack! Slam bam that you mam. Take that Citigroup. You see you can use this credit card to rack up lines of debt. And then use the bailout’s money to blow all the credit lines that contributed to our national debt. Who really cares about the consequences anyways? As the infamous Warren G put it: Regulators!

So what’s the loandown on wells Fargo? I guess it’s that time of year when the leaves start going into the red zone and start falling in Fall. So first there was a $700 billion bailout but then it turned into a fallout. There profit has dropped. For us students the prospect of finding a job in the real world looks uninviting because of the economic crisis were in. Should you be thinking about grad school as your bailout plan?

Do you feel like you rely too much on your credit and debt cards? Well after I graduate I’m opening up a 5 step program to get you off doing those lines of credit. The first step is to admit that you were powerless over money. 2^nd step: believe that your power animal(Mines the pink Elephant) will make you sane. 3^rd step: admit that our financial banking is becoming socialized 4^th step: make a list of the banks that harmed you and make them feel bad 5^th step: Have a miraculous vision in which Wall Street is mended by Stem Cell Research, enabling spinal cord regeneration. This, in turn, would fix the camels back.